This picture was (surprisingly) NOT taken from www.plasticsurgeriesgoneawry.com. But I think you'd agree with me that it should be posted there.



Cici Paramida, there's one thing I've always wanted to say to you from a loooong time ago...

YOU GOT BUTCHERED, Girlfriend!!!

And no, slapping 4-inch-thick Barbara Cartland-esque make-up on your face is not going to make that steel-pipe nose look any better. Yes, I know I'm being harsh. But then again, who told you to trust Ci Eva Liong and her Amerika Punya liquid silicone?

Neng Sarah.

Former Warna pint-size sweetheart, Dea Mirella, is finally back in the spotlight as... AN AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR QUEEN (watch out Liza Natalia!). Here she is on the launching party of her exercise VCD, "The Kegel Master: How To Please Your Partner And Win A Singing Contest Just By Sitting On Your Ass All Day Long". We snapped her backstage wearing a pillow and long-pillow case by MamaTex while she was waiting to go on stage to perform a remake of Britney Spears' hit "(Hit Me With A Dumb-bell) Baby One More Time" from the soundtrack of her VCD.

Neng Sarah.

HOLY NASTY UNKNOWN CELEBRITY, BATMAN!!!

WHAT ON EARTH???!!



Anne J. Cotto in an army call-girl camouflage couture is what nightmares are made of. My 13-month-old nephew was actually crying and screaming like a flock of seagulls when he saw this picture (Oh no! What have I done?!). I don't understand why anyone would ever dress like a WWE Smackdown wrestler's sidekick at his/her own will. Hmmm...I smell desperation. This has I'd do anything to be on any infotainment written all over it. Well, in that case...well played Miss Cotto. Mission accomplished.

Neng Sarah.

Ceu Rency, pesen lotek 2. Dibungkus. Kol-nya yang banyak. Jangan pake pedes.

Neng Sarah.

PS. Did anyone notice, Rency Milano (no connection with Alyssa, sadly) is wearing a kerudung with a SEE-THROUGH blouse and a SEE-THROUGH tanktop underneath? I can see her friggin' bra, for God's sake! Correct me if I'm wrong, but i believe the whole concept of wearing a veil is to conceal your body. Rency, apa kamu kacang??!!

Indonesia's infotainment darling and Jaksen Parangin-Angin's evil nemesis, Cut Memey, doesn't let the bad media exposure get under her skin. She recently hosted a lavish Tupperware Party at her 1.5 billion worth abode, in this bewitching (pun intended) and flashy pink and turquoise halter satin number ornately embedded with myriads of non-precious rhinestone and matching earrings by Acong's House of Fashion which dazzled her why-are-they-famous celebrity guests (such as Anne J. Cotto and Eddies Adelia) and sent them into an orgasmic frenzy.

Neng Sarah.

Here's the difference between me and Indonesian celebrities (beside not having a burning desire for Scarlet's wigs nor a make-up artist who gives me an MKD [Muka Krisdayanti, ed.]): whenever I see a rabbit I go, "Oh, what a cute and fuzzy little animal!", while most Indonesian celebrities see a rabbit and go, "Oh, it would make a lovely bag!".

Ladies, animals are not decoration for your clothes and accesories worth slaughtering for the sake of fashion! So please Catherine Wilson, is it really necessary for you to dress like post-sex romp Mrs. Santa Claus? Nasyila Mirdad, stop trying to be Marini Zumarni's replacement on Bidadari. And Krisdayanti, why would you want to look like Barbara Cartland's sofa cushion? You girls are soooo wrong for thinking that wearing a dead animal is going to make you any prettier.

So anyway, from now on I declare, no more animal cruelty. Only celebrity cruelty. Hear! Hear!

Neng Sarah.

Please give a warm round of applause for Rheina "Ipeh" Maryana and her invention, The Bust Brace.



The Bust Brace will give you maximum support and will perk up any sagging breasts instantly. Perfect for woman with small chests and or drooping breasts due to gravity, aging, and maternity.

Be the center of attention and collect compliments with The Bust Brace.

Made from Steel-Titanium alloy which makes it durable yet lightweight.

Available in glitter for evening wear and non-glitter for daywear at any hardware store near you.

The Bust Brace,
A bra is not enough.

Neng Sarah.

Note to Femmy "Ratu Bazaar" Permatasari:

• Frayed denim jackets were out 6 months ago,


• Diamond alphabet pendants were out 3 months ago,


• CK logo tank tops were out 5 years ago,


• Shirley Temple curls were out 30 years ago,


• Your face was out 4 years ago.

Sorry...

Neng Sarah.

Ladies and Gentlemen, whodoyouthinkheare presents Cut "Alicia Keys Threw Up All Over Me" Memey's new album "The Diary of Cut Memey", featuring 10 amazing songs, including:

"U Don't Know My Name (Before The Cheap Publicity Stunt)"

"A Woman's Worth (Is 1.5 Billion)"

"Publicity and I"

"Karma"

"If I Ain't Got Moolah"

"My Boobs", featuring Ressa Herlambang

"Jackson, How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore?"

Not available on CDs or Casettes at record stores near you. So don't bother looking fot it now!

Neng Sarah.

No Titi DJ, nobody is going to do a remake of TVRI's Dokter Sartika, so there really is no point in donning a doctor's jacket. But more importantly, even if they were going to do a remake of it, I highly doubt they would consider casting someone who came to the audition wearing a mint green fishnet stockings with *i can't believe they make that* matching mesh top, a napkin (oh I'm sorry, is that a skirt?), and hair that looks like a horde of live eels on a supermarket's aquarium.

However, if we heard that they need contestants for the new season of The Swan, we'll let you know, okay?

Neng Sarah.

Venna, I believe that is the ugliest and most repugnant dress I've ever seen in my life! It looks as is if it was sewn dreadfully and made from a bargain basement priced fabric. And you know what the worst part is? The transparent handkerchief-style skirt with a raggy lining that is longer than the skirt itself. And what a perfect idea it was for you to top it off with a really really bad blonde wig that puts Krisdayanti's Shinchan wig to shame. You definitely put the whore in horrifying.

So Venna, when I said that your presentation here reminds me of either:

• Tinkerbell (as in both the fairy friend of Peter Pan and the dog of Paris Hilton), or


• a winter Olympic figure skater, or


• a salsa dance competition's contestant from Guadalajara, or


• Tina Turner in 1967,

please DO take it as a compliment.

Neng Sarah.

Relax people, Bella Saphira did not have a car accident, and no, that is not a designer neck brace. But now that she is officially a singer (after she released her first--and only--album) she must always keep her pipes warm (for those impromptu singing requests, of course), thus the diamante studded neck warmer.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding. That's not a neck warmer. Adjie Massaid gave her hickeys the night before and she was trying to conceal it with that necklace. Okay, there you have it.



But on the other hand, Nirina Zubir really did have a car accident and sprained her neck, so she had to wear that neck brace.

Or maybe she just likes the attention. Hmmm, I'm not sure.

Neng Sarah.

After seeing this picture of Marshanda, I can't decide which is more frightening: her failed so-yesterday derelict-chic look, or her eerie grin that makes her look like Silvana Herman.

Neng Sarah.

PS. Nevermind the heat, but won't that furry jacket give you a rash or something?

I didn't recall when did exactly Titi DJ lost all sense of style (probably sometime during my unconsciousness after her self-declaration as "Sang Dewi", oh well, she must've meant "Sang Dewi Kesuburan"), but nowadays everything she wears just screams cheap. Just take a look at this picture, and please--I insist--please, ignore her actual blond hair that looks like a bad 100%-nylon wig.



From the ribbony flowery senorita top, to the plastic bangles, to the crummy jeans, every piece appears cheap and looks like something my pembantu can get at "Pojok Busana" Mal Cijantung.

Oh Titi, what happened? Can't you buy something nicer? Where did you lose all your money? Did you spend it all on that tummy tuck/liposuction/breast augmentation/butt reconstruction/vaginal rejuvenation what-have-you procedure? If you really are in dire straits, maybe you should consider selling all of your Dior collection. God knows those Hardcore Dior saddlebags are so 2 years ago.

Please Titi, do something. Before I start mistaking you as my pembantu in a bad wig.

Neng Sarah.

Neng Sarah punya tebak-tebakan...

Item, fals, keringetan, berrenda-renda, berjala-jala, dibedakin, trus dibungkus aluminium foil, apa ayooo?

Nyerah?



Menurut lohhhhhhhhhhhhhh????



Neng Sarah.